Why does he not see the kids?

I have separated from my husband because he decided that he wanted to leave our family for a girl he was cheating with. It has been 3 months and he does not come over to see the kids very often. (they are 1 and 2) Yesterday was the first time he came around in 2 weeks and we took the kids to chuckecheese. We all had alot of fun. Today I called him to see if he could watch the kids for a few hours and he didnt feel like it. As soon as our divorce is finished the kids and I are moving 12 hours away to another state. (he is military and i can't follow him around to his duty stations) So why would he see the kids for only a few hours every few weeks when we are leaving soon and he wont have the chance to see them more then a few times a year? How can he have 2 babies and not care if he is part of their life? Has anyone been through this?Why does he not see the kids?
I have seen this MANY times, often in men that are very close to me: my dad, my husband, my ex-husband, my sister's ex-husband.. I could list more. I've seen it in women a few times, but not nearly as often as with men. Sometimes they don't see their children for years at a time. I try to be compassionate with them, but it is hard to put myself in their shoes. Having been the child in that situation, I know how unbearably painful it can be.



You can never know for sure why they are this way. My guess is that it is a wound that opens fresh with each visit. And some people choose to go away for good (or come around very rarely) rather than subject themselves to the fresh pain every time.



You will feel the pain too and you will hurt for your children. But in my opinion it is better (less hurtful) to them to let them grow up thinking this is just the way it is "Daddy loves you, but the situation just isn't going to work out so that he can see you very often right now, and maybe for a long time." If you try to force him to see them as often as possible, they are going to KNOW that they should be seeing him every weekend and wonder what the problem is that he won't come around.



Everyone deals with pain and loss in a different way. I'm sorry this is happening to you, but I honestly don't think there is a thing you can do to change it except hope (in private) that he has a change of heart.Why does he not see the kids?
It will only get worse. I think it has to do with the fact that once a parent doesn't see their kids regularly, they become desensitized to this fact; the time between visits and calls only gets longer.
That would be because he is a selfish man and he will pay for that one day...Why does he not see the kids?
he does this maybe because he either doesn't care, or doesn't want to be reminded of his mistake. Sounds like though that he is too concerned with his "new' life to see his own kids, what a jerk. I hope he wakes up and realizes he is missing out on their lives before it is too late. Hope this helps.
he sounds like a big kid himself .

don.t make the same mistake again ' for your own good . and don.t let him bring you down .Why does he not see the kids?
because he is selfish. just like my ex. they want to live it up and do what they want, when they want and have no responsibilities. we have a daughter and he sees her while she is in preschool. he stops by for 10 minutes a few days per week but when it comes to actually spending long days with her - he doesnt want that responsibility i guess.... they will be sorry one day. i dont understand why they think that the grass is greener on the other side. when he actually grows up - he will spend the rest of his days regretting that decision he made. and nothing is worse than that feeling that he will have...he can never make up for those lost times..
The only reason I can think of is that he is distancing himself as he knows that his children will soon be too far away to see regularly. He, like many men, is probably trying to stop himself from hurting too much without realising that he will only regret it once you have moved.



Try to talk to him about it and ask if this is what he is doing (consciously or sub-consciously). Tell him that you want him to be part of your childrens' lives and that you would very much like to arrange when he will see them.



Some men also suffer from a feeling of failure when their marriage breaks down and there are children involved as they are programmed to see themselves as the provider and protector so it may also be that he feels that he has failed his children and therefore they would be better off without him.



Divorce is never ever easy and I think that it is even more complicated when there are children involved. I wish you all the best and of course a very happy future.
Anne, number one, I am so sorry for you.



I won't say it is just a man's way. But woman also do it. I think the person is so immature and selfish, they cannot see past their own desires and needs.



My brother is raising his two beautiful girls alone. Their mom took off for another man, and then went and had two more kids. In six long years, the mother has seen the girls ONCE. And hasn't called in over a year.



The girls were 1 and 4 when she left. Now they are 7 and 10. They are very hurt not having a mom. So you just love and support them as much as you can. Family and friends might never make up for a mom. But those girls can never really deny how much they are loved.



I think about the future a lot. Soon those girls will be 15 and 18, and I know the oldest will want to get in touch with mom. I already have my speech ready! If they chose to have an adult relationship and know their mom later in life. That will be up to them, and I will support them always. And if Mom seems only interested in mom, then you will know she hasn't changed. At that point, you can decide to stay or leave.



Sorry so long. But I feel for you and your children. This is a subject dear to my heart. I stay very positive. And with the ten year old even now, when she is alone, and angry, I tell her that we don't know why mom did what she did. She left all of us.



My im is on my profile if you ever want to chat.



Kimmy
GET A JOURNAL, KEEP A RECORD. The days he visits, the amount of time he actually spends w/them, how much $ he contributes to their well being.



Fyi, I notice you both took the kids to ChuckECheese...don't you ever get a day to yourself? He's leaves your marriage and your kids and is reaping the benefits with a new woman. Go get yourself a new haircut and a makeover.--you're doing the work of mom and dad now and you need to take some time for yourself to clear your mind. It sucks being the one left to clean up the mess and I'm so sorry this has happened to your family. I hope he changes his behavior but he won't change unless he wants to.
I am sorry to say that he has become so wrapped up in his "new" life that he is all too willing to put the past (and his children) away from him. He may well come to regret that, but do not count on it being soon.

He is his one and only priority at the moment, as the cheating shows. What he wants, what he thinks he "needs", is the only thing that he can see. You and the children are not even on his radar.

You must now be strong, for the children and yourself. You can't count on him, but that doesn't mean he can't be held accountable. Go to Child Support, and make sure that he is there, at least financially for those children. Take care, and accept whatever support you need, from family, friends and your community.
This is very sad, Anne, especially for the kids :( I suppose your husband has never been very involved with his children. If he had been (tucking them in at night, teaching them things, playing games with them, cuddling them), I don't see how he could bear to leave them for long.



As the others said, this is a terrible choice he has made, which he will later regret bitterly. But there is nothing you can do about it. Best to pour your energy into creating a new life for yourself and your kids, instead of wasting it on regret....



Best of luck. xx
men usually arent that interested in babies, they want to have an older child to play with and an even older child to throw a ball to, babies arent on the radar.

you are broken up you are moving, he is of course going to distance himself.

maybe just maybe when the kids are much much older he will be interested, but if you are so far away that he never sees them they will be strangers to him.

so figure that he is not going to be there and adjust your expectations from that point.
He's immature. He can't handle commitment and the responsibilities that comes with marriage and being a father. There is nothing that you can do to make this boy grow up and become a man and a father to your children.



I divorced my husband when our daughter was a baby. This child was my pride and joy and I couldn't understand how he could just walk out of her life, because I divorced him, and never want anything to do with her. He never paid child support and never once came to see her. But I loved her enough for the both of us and I made a new life for us.
Girl just keep your head up! Forget him! Those kids need you more than anything or anybody! I'm military and i know marriage is not easy when you are pt in certain situations. Just pray and move on! You might find that man ho will help you raise your kid and treat you like a QUEEN!! God Bless and i wish you the best!