When my son was about 3 and a 1/2 he stole a small toy from the checkout line at Walmart. Of course I didn't realize until we had already arrived home and noticed a toy I had never seen before so I asked him where he got it and he said from the store we were just at. I took it from him and explained that it wasn't nice and how would he feel if someone took his toys without asking. He replied "I don't like that" and I said "Well, don't do that again or I will tell Daddy and he will be in big trouble". I didn't tell my husband and he never did it again up until late last year when he was nearly 5. The same thing happened, he took another toy from the Walmart checkout line. This time we noticed when we got in the car and he was trying to show his little sister his new toy. This time my husband was with us and he drug him back into the store and made him give it back to the cashier and apologize for taking it. When we arrived home my husband lead him to his room gave him a stern talk and left him in there with nothing to do for the rest of the day. Since then there have been a couple of other times that he attemped the same thing but I've grown accustomed to checking his pockets prior to leaving the stores. And he gets all of his toys taken away for a week each time he's been caught. And the last time he was caught I sat him down and told him what happens to bad guys who steal and do bad things and asked him if he was bad and he said no. I told him that he was a good boy and he won't fit in with the bad guys at jail and that if he stole again we were going to take him to jail with the policemen. Of course he didn't like that idea. Then it had been quite for months, we thought he was over the phase.
In March of this year we moved in with my In-Laws and they are on the wealthier side so my father in law is always giving me money to take them places. Since I stay at home he wants the kids to get out of the house. About 2 weeks ago he took a $100 bill from my father in laws wallet that was in his pants pocket on his dresser and put the wallet and the pants back where they were. No one noticed until my 2 year old was running around the house with a $100 bill saying "CJ gave me money for ChuckeCheese" and my mother in law brought it to me asking where she got it. I had no idea, then my father in law checked his wallet and noticed it was missing. Immediately I questioned CJ (my 5 yo) and he admitted guilt. I was furious and I drug him to his room and told him to stay in his bed until Daddy got home in a couple of hours. I texted my husband and told him to prepare himself for a talk with CJ bc he stole money and I told him we had to stick to our word and take him to the police station but of course he didn't do that.
This past Saturday he had do go to work with my father in law as i had to do some volunteer work. Yesterday when I was on my way home from a cookout he called me saying we had to have a serious talk about CJ. When we got home my father in law explained that CJ took a $5 bill from the cash register while he was with his business partner for a few minutes and tried to hide it but he caught him and took it from him and told him it was wrong. I am at a loss, I don't know what to do or how to punish him anymore. I know we need to stop this now before he turns into a criminal. My inlaws admit guilt because they give him money for no reason and when he is caught doing something wrong they just say he's little and doesn't understand and let him get away with it. I think that's a load of crap. I think he is old enough to understand that its wrong, he's very smart. And of course my son and I don't really get along, we have clashing personalities and he doesn't listen to me for nothing. I just don't know what to do, he will be starting school in two months, what happens when he gets caught at school with something?
Any thoughts of other parents who've been in the same situation PLEASE give me some input. We are young parents who are in a bit of a pickle with the finances which is why we are here living with my inlaws but I think that they are the number one reason for his bad behavior, I've noticed MANY bad changes in my kids since we've been living here but we can't move for another year, at least. My inlaws won't back off and I'm constantly yelling at my mother inlaw for spoiling them and not being as an adult and teaching them right from wrong. But its hard because they are home most of the day and work at night so they are always around.|||Your child is developing a serious problem and it isn't the in-laws fault. The first time you found him with stolen property, you blew it by basically hiding it. Each event, when discovered should result in him having to take the stolen stuff/money back to the place where he stole it, give it back to the victim and have to say he is sorry to the victim. Then, he should be required to do some "volunteer" work for the victim. Even if it is picking up trash outside of Walmart. He needs to know that he has to admit responsibility when he does something and that there are direct consequences. He is too young for his belief in Jesus to be as meaningful for him as it is for you, so that does nothing. He doesn't understand the stuff you are telling him about jail. Don't put things off until his dad can take care of them, either. You need to deal with those things you discover or he will lose respect for you and by the time dad gets home, there isn't the good mental connection with the thing he did and the consequences. I think this is a bigger problem at this time than you want to admit.|||Neuterize him|||asswhooping|||huh? well read a part of the bible that tells about stealling|||I would hit his hands with a ruler or a belt until he understands|||your child is a criminal you should deport him b4 he tuirns black|||I am sorry, but your son is only 5. And yes I am sure he is smart, but come on, he can't understand the concept of theft and jail, and all that.
This is going to sound harsh, but it seems to me like you don't have any control over him. You threaten him with your husband when he does something wrong, and just send him to his room to wait. Step up and make yourself an athority figure. I really can't stand it when people threaten their kids with other people. When I am with my kids and they do something wrong I disipline them, if my husband is there he does it.
My daughter is 5 and has had a bad spell with stealing as well. Kids don't take stuff because they are bad, they take stuff because they want it. It is that simple. I think taking toys away for a week is a bit harsh. Why don't you try talking to him on his level, and explain that he can't have everything he wants, and sometimes he gets stuff and sometimes he doesn't.
As for your in-laws, make it clear that you are their mom, and you make the decisions for your kids. My grandma always went overboard giving me stuff and my mom asked her to stop. She didn't, I would get black garbage bags full of presents for Christmas, birthdays etc. Finally my mom let me pick a couple things and then took the rest to charity.
I am sure he will grow out of it, but if you keep being so harsh with him I am sure he will eventually start rebelling against you and your husband in a bad way.|||Holy crap that was long but i say you take his favorite toy from him and then tell him he if steals again that he will never get another toy for 5 years|||keep doing what your doing but the thing is he's only 5 so he will probably grow out of it|||First of all just try and breath, believe me I understand what you are going through. No judgements no here's what you do's.
You sound frustrated and somewhat defeated. One must remember defeat is not in a mom's vocabulary. Maybe readjust but not defeat.
You have several things going on here and of course I cam only go by what you have said consciously or unconsciously. Dad sound like the disciplinarian and it is rarely good or effetive to make a child wait to be punished. Using wait till dad gets home,or calling dad at work only sends the message" I don't want to deal with you" it shows a child that as long as dad isn't there I am in the free. If dad is harsh that is even worse because if dad resents ytou calling him at any level and shifting responsibility, there may a lot more going on in the discipline than whatever was the problem to hours earlier. Asking yourself what is your son getting from this? what happens as a result of stealing? for him emotionally....does he get more attention? positive or negative it is still attention. does he get dad time? even if its punishment. Kid's are impulsive and if you have ever looked at something and thought" I want that" and didn't have the impulse control developed to not take it ....you simply would. Your son is 5 but to you he most likely seems older (us parents do that) but his impulse control center may not be developed yet....stop with the criminal,cops and fear tactics they don't really work at that age. Stop the stealing talk all together and deal with each instance as a SEPERATE impulse control loss...."oh grandpa has money in his cool wallet, I want that money cuz money is important to everyone around me" hmmmmm. he didnt hide it...he freely gave it to his sibling...IT IS NOT NEARLY AS BIG OF A DEAL AS YOU FEAR. YOU HAVE MUSCH DEEPER ISSUES WITH THE IN LAWS.....mine were the same....but the more you fight them the more you will lose especially living with them...If they are crossing boundaries try and establish firmer ones but if they are spoiling your kids, try and be patient and understand they are just being themselves.
Try and find the road of least resistance and know nothing is going tohappen that you can't slowly adjust or change when you are on your own again....your kids know these people are different than you and your hubby just relax and let go and if you have any faith in God ask for understanding gratitude and humility...remember this....you love your son...your son adores you...stop being dissapointed and apologize to him for expecting so much from him and explain you are just learning....remeber he adores you and if he is acting contrary to that...it is because he is hurt...and maybe you are to....find things to do, shoot take the money if grandpa is delving it out...have fun and receive there overbearing spoiling the kids rotten behavior as a gift because believe it or not one day you will wish they were there to do it again|||This problem is getting serious. Your son needs a good lesson where it hurts. Leave him behind with a baby sitter when you go out as a family and explain to him that, since he can't be trusted not to steal, he must remain at home. Do it repeatedly, so he understands that the situation is serious. It will hurt you too, but CJ has to be made to accept responsibility for what he does before he starts school. If it takes 6 months of leaving him behind so be it, but something has to be done for his own sake. I wish you good luck.|||Every time he steals, take one of his favorite toys or items that he usually plays with. Repeat this until
he finally realizes what he is doing is wrong.|||Mam, I am sorry to say this but you are gonna have to beat your son! I know it might seem harsh but a smack on the butt won't hurt your child that much. But it will let him know your not going to tolerate it anymore!|||Be furious brake one of his favorite toys or steal it i remember when i was like 5 i stole 2 dinosaur toys from the dentist who we never went we went back the place was on fire (i hope i didn't mess something else up) so i kept the toys but my mom started to steal my video games i asked her why she said it was because of the dinosaurs she then HID my super smash brothers melee (you do not know that game i guess) i snapped and threw the toys at the dentists office that wasn't there|||SPANK the child.
Don't take him to the WalMart anymore - and explain why to him. Tell him as long as he is going to steal - he doesn't get to go anywhere or do fun things.
Next time make HIM return the stolen item and apologize.|||You could call your local police dept. and either bring him by or they may send someone out to talk with CJ about why it isn't ok to steal. Sometimes hearing it from an adult authority figure (other than parents) may snap him out of it. Also, if he has money, and steals a toy from store, take the toy back, make him pay for it, apologize, and the store keeps the item as a punishment. Other than that I can't think of anything else, except that when he does start school and if he does take something that doesn't belong to him, maybe getting caught and getting in trouble @ school may the thing to make him realize that stealing is not ok. Best of luck! :-)|||ok i only read the first paragraph because you wrote a book, and i think you should tell him about crime and stuff, and how he could go to jail(though he's not old enough yet).
tell him their's a way to earn things.
if he does it again, be harsh. take a toy he's playing with, and don't give it back to him, until the end of the day.
there's a lot of things you could do.
like there was this 7 year old who took his parents' car and drove for like 3 miles with the police behind. the kid got sentenced to his room for 4 days. pathetic. do something more drastic than that.|||If you have a friend who is a police officer ask him/her to come and speak with your son....it could put a little bit of fear in his head about how stealing has real consequences.|||Bad seeds only grow when you water them.When kids are young they all have a tendency to take wht they want even though the realize the way there taking it is wrong.It is a phase they must go through,my little brother was spoiled like your son and he is 10 now and well out of that stage,when he was five we called him ''snatch'' because if he saw it he was gone take it he hit up every Walmart Walgreens and basically anywhere we went we constantly had to drag him in and ake it from him and we always laughed and said something lil Snatch strikes again.Many say thats not funny thats going to be a serious problem someday....No not true its just tha five year old mine is very selfish and they only think about what they need and want because thats all their little minds can process,but they realize stealing is wrong thats why they hide it.You have to give their mind time to digest your teachings they wont be able to fully process what your teaching them until the can truly understand it.My little brother is still a handful still spoiled but not a thief ,when he is told no he pouts and frowns but doesnt try to sneak anything.
You have to face thatyour child is always going to be spoiled its a reality especially if you are in a wealthy enviroment.The challenge is going to be taking away that spoiled attitude and start making him earn what he is given.It s a good way to make him learn the value of work.And when he do something wrong whoop his azzz stop talkin thats why he still stealin fasten the rod spank him bodyslam his lil azz,but no dont abuse him but physical discipline isnt bad,it gets through to kids better save the talkin for when their teenagers.
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